Asking for and Receiving Feedback

Asking for and receiving feedback may feel awkward in the early stages, but as you go on, this pattern of asking for feedback will not only benefit you, but you will soon notice that others on your team will be more open to asking for and receiving feedback themselves.

To get started with this culture shift, there are two different approaches that will help you plan to ask for feedback. 

Informal Approach

The first approach is to, in the moment, ask people to watch something in yourself or your performance that you would like perspective on.
- Example: “Sally, would you watch the pacing of how I deliver a presentation today? I sometimes think I’m a bit quick which makes it hard for the information to be absorbed. I’d just like your honest response about how the pacing felt for you.”
After the observation occurs, make sure to return to the individual and ask them how they experienced what you asked them to observe.
When they give their response, it is very important that you express thanks without explaining or defending anything.
The feedback is for you to reflect on for your own learning and growth. You don’t have to agree with the feedback, but take the time to contemplate what you can learn and how you might put that learning into action.

Formal Approach (5 steps)

The example shown with each step will walk you through the whole process of how to effectively ask for feedback.

Select a Growth Area
Determine Specific Target(s)
Recruit Observers
Receive Feedback
Reflect & Take Action

Step 1 - Select a Growth Area

This may be from an intuition you have about how you wish to grow, or it could be feedback you’ve received through the APP (one of your Leadership Capability goals), or maybe a 360 report you have received.
This growth area is most effective if it is focused on leadership presence (whether in relation to leading self or others) rather than task accomplishment. For information about leadership presence, consider the LEADS in a Caring Environment Leadership Framework.
Growth Area Example: Run an effective meeting.

Step 2 - Determine Specific Target(s)

Narrow the growth area down to something more specific. Avoid selecting too many areas of focus. The brain can learn one – or maybe two – things at a time.
- Example: What does “effective” mean in the growth example from Step 1? It may be to stick to an agenda. It may mean that all team members are contributing or feel included.
Once you identify a target, select data that will let you know when you have been successful.
Be specific and objective about what you want feedback on.
Asking observers to answer questions such as “Did I stick to the agenda?” or “Did all team members contribute?” will result in “yes” or “no” answers.
“Yes” or “No” answers fail to provide specific data that can be learned from and put into action.
- Example: You will ask your observer to watch that meeting agenda items stay on time within plus or minus 2 minutes.
- Example: You ask an observer to maintain a stick tally that will indicate that each team member spoke to each agenda item at least one time.

Step 3 - Recruit Observers

Select as many diverse perspectives as possible and as makes sense in your context.
Explain your intentions to your invited observer(s). Explain your why, what goals you have and your specific areas for learning and growth.
Express your openness to meaningful feedback and assure them that you’re seeking both positive reinforcement and/or constructive criticism, and that you value and appreciate their insights.
Respect their time and availability and work with observers to schedule dates and times that work for both parties. If necessary, send a calendar invite to attend the meeting, presentation, etc. where you’d like them to observe.
Be specific in your ask of observers.
- Example: “During this meeting I want to ensure that agenda items are wrapped up within plus/minus 2 minutes of scheduled time. Can you write down the end times for each agenda item and identify whether they’re within the +/- 2 minute window?”
- Example: “I want to be intentional about asking all team members to contribute at some point during this meeting. Can you keep a stick tally and keep track of how often, and who, I ask for input and also keep track of which team members contribute?”
Decide with your observer how often this feedback is required – is this a one-time invite? Are you asking for feedback over multiple meetings? What is the time commitment required of your invited observer(s)?
Post-event, ask observers to share their notes and observations. Express thankfulness to the observer, even if there is feedback that you don’t agree with. Avoid the urge to explain or defend yourself. You can take time to integrate this feedback later.

Step 4 - Receive Feedback

Part of the cycle of asking for feedback is taking in what has been shared. That feedback can feel supportive, and sometimes it can feel a bit rough.
The graph shows that we can receive feedback that is either expected or unexpected, and that feels positive or negative.

Depending on the nature of the feedback, consider how to respond:

Positive and Unexpected Feedback- Provides an opportunity to build a new habit. How might we find ways to repeat the behavior?
Positive and Expected Feedback- Provides an opportunity to celebrate. Our behavior is congruent with our values, skills and abilities.
Negative and Expected Feedback- Provides an opportunity to take action and make changes to how we show up.
Negative and Unexpected Feedback- Can be the toughest one to receive. We can be surprised and it can feel unfair. It is important for us to resist the temptation to defend ourselves. Instead, this is a time to reflect – and potentially explore with the other person so we can understand more about what was observed.

In all feedback situations, how we lead self is critical. The more we can regulate ourselves, the more it will be safe for others to give feedback.  The more feedback we receive, the more opportunities we have to grow and develop into stronger leaders.

Step 5 - Reflect

After each cycle of feedback, take some time to reflect on the data you received from your observers. This doesn’t need to be long, but be intentional about it.
The brain can process more recent feedback more efficiently. Waiting too long makes it hard for the brain to make connections between your experience and the feedback you received.
Be intentional about asking yourself not only, “What can I learn from this?” but also “What action(s) can I take?”
As you learn and grow from the feedback, you are likely to discover new areas for your growth.
Update and renew your goals as appropriate and start the feedback cycle all over again.

Workshop

If you are interested in accessing support for making this more formal plan and reflecting on your growth, please sign up for our upcoming learning events . This workshop will help you create goals, identify measures, and debrief your feedback with a facilitator and your peers. Expect these sessions to be interactive and be prepared to share your feedback plan with others. Your support for others will be very valuable too.
Part 1 of 4 of the workshop is recorded and available on the Learning Events page.
The Asking for Feedback Worksheet will help you prepare.

Additional Resources

For further information and research on how the brain reacts to feedback please read “Using Neuroscience to Make Feedback Work and Feel Better”.
Rock, David, et al (2017). “Getting to a Culture of Feedback”. Neuroleadership Journal, Vol 7, October 2017. p8.
To learn more about Microsoft’s experience, listen to this podcast (open in Google Chrome; not Internet Explorer) by the Neuroleadership Institute.